You: hey

You: want to hear a riddle?

Stranger: heyy

Stranger: sure

You: alright

You: think of a number between 1 and 10

You: ok?

Stranger: 9

You: good

You: now multiply that by 3

You: so you get...

Stranger: 27

You: right

Stranger: okk

You: now think of a type of alcohol

Stranger: liquor

You: ok

You: take the third letter of that

Stranger: q

You: ok

You: now

You: with the classic code of a=1, b=2, c=3 etc

You: find the number that q is equivalent

Stranger: 17

You: ok

You: add that to your original number

Stranger: 26

You: ok now multiply it by your second number

Stranger: 702

You: good

You: now divide by 7

You: and what do you get?

Stranger: 100.2

You: wrong

You: 5 minutes of your life pretty much wasted

You: well, enjoy the rest of your life! it's 5 minutes shorter now, you know.

You have disconnected.

Guest Post: Blind

Stranger: Wanna fuck?

You: sorry? i cant read. im blind

Stranger: lol

You: say that again?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

im full of nails!

You: im full of nails

You: call 911

You: send them to "the garden"

You: theyll know what you mean

Stranger: sure.

You: thanks.

You: it was very nice talking to you, gwen.

Stranger: oh no prob

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

closed.

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: m/f/?

You: ?

Stranger: WTF?

You: you gave me three options

You: i chose the third.

Stranger: oh really?

Stranger: noway

Stranger: u gotta be kidding me ?

You: i am not kidding you ?

Stranger: guess wht ?

Stranger: fuck u.

Stranger: go ahead and close

Stranger: pls

You: i have closed.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Oh you

Stranger: hey

Stranger: asl

Stranger: msn

You: hey

You: asl

You: msn

You: oh

You: you

You: :D

Stranger: 17 m usa

Stranger: u

You: yeah

You: wait what?

Stranger: /???

You: what just happened

Stranger: idk

You: i have a hunchback

The hunchback

You: you into sex?

Stranger: hell yeah

Stranger: what's your deal?

Stranger: sex on the brain? can't get it off?

You: I have a hunchback and hoofed feet

You: whats YOUR deal

Stranger: i'm so damn good that i can't get all these guys off me

Stranger: they don't realize that i just don't jump on it

Stranger: nah' mean?

You: i bet you have a cleft lip

Stranger: i wish

You: i bet you have fangs.

Stranger: maybe it keep them niggas off me

Stranger: sometimes it looks like i do

You: sometimes i look like a person

You: that doesnt mean i am one though

You: you imposter

Stranger: wait

Stranger: you're calling ME the imposter?

You: yes i am

Stranger: you just admitted that you look like one sometimes

You: i never said i was one

Stranger: yeah but you wish you was

Stranger: you attract women and men with your alluring charm

Stranger: your...hypnotic eyes.

You: i dont have eyes.

Stranger: and sensual body language.

You: my hunchback?

Stranger: and then they get closer

Stranger: and see what you really are

You: im peeing

Stranger: and you're calling me the imposter.

You: right now.

Stranger: where?

You: out of my mouth.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.