I'm a dirty filthy ratbag

Stranger: hi

You: hey

You: pretzel

You: ?

You: i knew we'd end up like this

You: just you and me in some god forsaken trench

You: enemies closing in

Stranger: really?

You: two clips of ammo left and my trusty machete

You: its just you and me now

You: but i think we can do this, hannibal

You: i really think we pull this off

You: *tears roll down my face*

You: i know you love her, hannibal

You: so you need to live through this.

Stranger: ok i will

You: *i jump up screaming, shooting randomly into a haze of vicious poison octopi*

You: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You: i throw three plasma grenades

You: and pick up the sniper

You: BOOOOM headshot!

You: BOOOM headshot!

You: NO HANNIBAL, THATS A MINE!

You: i throw myself onto the mine before you can touch it

You: and my body parts go flying into the air

You: you are safe, the last among many

Stranger: oh nooooo

You: (im dead...)

Stranger: RIP :'(

You: wanna buy a horse?

You: its cheap.

You: good kicking power

Stranger: naah wouldnt mind a dog though?

Stranger: with fetching power

You: get out of my store.

You: "Jenkin's free stories and cheap horses" is no place for DOGS, ASSHOLE

You: do you even have anything to say for yourself?

Stranger: only that you seem to be someone with serious issues yet, i find you slightly intriguing...

You: i just rubbed syrup on my face

Stranger: ooohhh face softner

You: no. aunt jemima's.

Stranger: well aunt jemima wants it back

Stranger: you dirt filthy ratbag

Your conversational partner has disconnected.